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Monthly Archives: November 2016

Change is terrifying.

It occurs to me that getting rid of stuff is akin to fear of the unknown, and more specifically to change, and change is terrifying. Allowing for change may be better, and it may be worse, but it won’t be static. Even if I am unhappy with my old patterns, or my old way of doing things, it is known. There is safety in knowing, but unless I am willing to leap into the unknown, odds are against things getting better, but the odd of them getting worse are unknown, which has consistently felt like a better bet. I think I have been wrong in the past, or at least fearful, and felt some level of safety in static.

I fear, at some subconscious level, that I will get rid of the wrong thing, or make the wrong step. Even when things are (or appear to be) at their worst, I fear that I will make them far  worse still by making a change, by letting go. What if I can never get (thing x) back. It is more important now, to decide what I want, and what I don’t, and move through the process of change. There are deep-seated, formative belief systems at play, and it is time for me to examine them and to allow myself to believe in better, nay in great.

If I get rid of the wrong thing, or make the wrong move, or even feel like I might. I need to remember, that nothing is permanent, or irreplaceable. Stuff is just stuff, and the unknown isn’t all bad. I’ve made it this far, after all.

I may elaborate later, and I may not. I reserve the right to allow myself to have boundaries and filters.

That is all, for now.


I have so much STUFF, even after previous purges. I think I have been, subconsciously waiting for it to all magically disappear. Surprise! That isn’t how it works at all! Duh!

I’ve just been moving boxes like some kind of maniacal shell game, to make a place for my son to have a room of his own while he’s here, and to organize some vague semblance of sorting areas. I am finding things I can easily toss in the process, some I can possibly sell, and others, that are just easier to sort once they are better categorized. I have been avoiding my avoidance behaviors and just schlepping along. Not much progress made, but it is a start (once again) and that is something.